Friday, March 13, 2009

Egg-too?

Re-entry into a now foreign-to-me environment has been tricky. Burgers and sushi are at the tips of my fingers, but difficult to swallow. My limitless supply of internet has gotten me back to my old habits once again and now I'm finding the world I came from a slightly difficult and different place for me to re-inhabit. 

I'm so reluctant to step back into that horrible space called work. I just want to stop time and productivity to be actually productive for me. I want to stop thinking but I want to do something.

As I read about the past two months of life from my friends and foes, the less I want to be social and the more of a hermit I actually want to be. Not knowing about ongoings always makes me happier. I think maybe it may be because I don't know where I fit into their pictures, or maybe I actually don't want to refit myself into their pictures. But I'm starting feel that its all a lie... That their world is actually not such an open place for me to roam in due to it's distractions. I'm angry with things I've read, but happy that I can chose not to be apart of their frivolity. But, it's because I look back and think of how things were or may currently be and I wonder if stepping out even more that simply out of the country will be something I'll regret. And because of that, it always stops me. And I realize that from the beginning, I always had one foot on the floor, hoping that that would be enough.

Was it ever them pushing me away or me always slowly walking away?



Gah. I think I'll just start the Naruto manga from two months back... it'll get my mind off of yurkee things.  :3

Besides that, India was great. I'm feeling homesick for my friends, tea, toast, romantic comedies, bollywood dancing, and autos. But, I must admit... my bed is hard a tough opponent. I've seriously been sitting here all day. It's hard to leave it's coziness.




1 comment:

VSC said...

i miss you camille!!!
have fun in hawaii :(