I'm so reluctant to step back into that horrible space called work. I just want to stop time and productivity to be actually productive for me. I want to stop thinking but I want to do something.
As I read about the past two months of life from my friends and foes, the less I want to be social and the more of a hermit I actually want to be. Not knowing about ongoings always makes me happier. I think maybe it may be because I don't know where I fit into their pictures, or maybe I actually don't want to refit myself into their pictures. But I'm starting feel that its all a lie... That their world is actually not such an open place for me to roam in due to it's distractions. I'm angry with things I've read, but happy that I can chose not to be apart of their frivolity. But, it's because I look back and think of how things were or may currently be and I wonder if stepping out even more that simply out of the country will be something I'll regret. And because of that, it always stops me. And I realize that from the beginning, I always had one foot on the floor, hoping that that would be enough.
Was it ever them pushing me away or me always slowly walking away?
Gah. I think I'll just start the Naruto manga from two months back... it'll get my mind off of yurkee things. :3
Besides that, India was great. I'm feeling homesick for my friends, tea, toast, romantic comedies, bollywood dancing, and autos. But, I must admit... my bed is hard a tough opponent. I've seriously been sitting here all day. It's hard to leave it's coziness.
